Old Love

by I Made You Myself

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released April 9, 2016



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I Made You Myself Chicago, Illinois


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Track Name: Old Love
When I think of sex
I think of my room
It's one and two
It's just me and you
Like vines entwined
On the walls of our house
Only the strange things that we think about
And it's fine

It's not by my choice
I've died and moved on
I'm reinvented, as far
As I know
If one things for sure,
my body didn't rot (my body didn't rot)

Still stuck in the same spot
Still living the same thoughts
I keep sleeping
I keep dreaming
Again, in your room
I find us holding
It's the truth

In love or lust or anger
We all cry the same
Ashamed, confused, inaudible
Ashamed, confused, inaudible

When we fight,
It's frustration
It's things that we can't have
It's excuses that we can't back
My completion
I find in your voice,

In your touch
Your eyes show up in everyone
Your thoughts are my thoughts
The same colors
Different patterns

I still remember my room
It was just me and you
Watching movies about
love and loss and love again

Comparing life just for the hell of it
I always knew what you were thinking,

Stare and smile
Ask me what
It's nothing,
always nothing

You're the only one who gets it
Track Name: Deliver You from Bad News
I was in a bad spot
Stumbling, slurring,
and just sapped of all thought

I was crawling to you
Dragged my weak bones along
Within you, I could hide

You opened wide, tiny rose
You had no damn idea
what kind of man I was
So you paid the price

Pulled you from the soil and sun
I let your petals wither up dry
You fell apart over night

I told you most things you wanted to hear
And you were so fast to believe in me
You told me most things I wanted to hear
But the means of our meeting was something I feared

Let's not become in debt,
in debt to one another
Not so sure that my mind is so willing
or body has fully recovered

I told you most things you wanted to hear
And the deeper your roots would grow into me
You told me most things I wanted to hear
So I tried to believe

There's no life as a weak man
Only guilt from what you did or haven't done
If you know,
Why the wait?
Couldn't you say
What sits on your mind
You're just wasting your time
Why do you hide

Forgive me, please, you fragile thing
I should know
better than to let you hurt

But my hands, they shake
As they hold your fate

I would have changed my ways
Had I known that would be planted in doubt

But the truth strikes a chord
So clear
A tune
So loud

Oh she hates the sound

You were bound to be a better thing
Without my doubt

Oh I feel you
Burning away

You are a cloud
Looming gray with your bad news
Deliver yourself from the rain,
And the thunderous pound
Oh you know how she hates the sound

She hates the sound
Track Name: Please Quit Smoking
Started young and
Feeling older
Growing colder and colder
It takes more and more
To give you back what you once felt
I guess you'd rather die faster
Than live slower

There's been
a lot of things
I don't like
that you've picked up since then
Bad habits
all around
There's been
excuses since way back when

For why you can't sever yourself
from anything, anything anymore
It's as if you like watching yourself
sink down to the floor
We all know you've been there before

As if your spine
stopped caring as well
I though you were
the kind that kills for what you love

Grow up
And move on
grow up

Face it
You're not too far along with what you want
You stop,

In with your old scores
It's too much to handle
It's just not enough to break free
Oh I wish
that you would
put up
More of a fight
But instead,
You choose to hide
And settle in
with it all

I'd like to know how you feel

Center yourself
And maybe someday
You'll believe
Track Name: Disarm Me
Live through me, my darling
You are medicine that keeps me still and quiet
We were great once, you know
So I don't blame you if you're bitter
But please believe me when I say
That I would keep you but I'm not allowed

You are a sad song stuck in my head
You are a melody so draining
A snake that wanders through the bloom in my bed
The colors stale and cower in your presence

With the stuttering of your words
I can barely make out who you are
Such a damn share
Because it hurts
To know the way you love is out of touch

Dress the armor for my mind
Ready your arms at your side
Protect your body and spirit
It's just a matter of time

I'm unsure of when it stops
I just know I've had enough
Oh you stay close to the source,
far too close

All signs show life outside of you

Seeking more from me
Lay down
In what you are
But feel me
In the silence of it
The both of us

Disarm me, my friend
Track Name: Play Dead
I remember it well
The hunt itself
Through tall grass,
In dull heat
Your scent is sweet

You're on your way down
Well on your way down

Iron sight bride
You are mine
My pride
And no one else's
I'll hold my breath
watch it end
With elegance, your head shall sit

You're on your way down
Well on your way down

Tried to find your peace
With your head below the water
And you held this truth like weight around your shoulders
But no, I couldn't hold you down
Like you wanted me to
I couldn't hold you down
Like I should have

I should have let you live and die
in someone else's arms
But here I sit
In selfishness
Your life, your love
The both you'd give

You're on your way down
Well on your way down

On my wall
We still don't talk
Collecting dust
I'm losing us

Just play dead
Then you can run
Track Name: Grew Some
Stay, love
You and I rhyme
There is life to be lived between us

But I understand reasons within my control have opposed you and driven you straight

Off the edge
And with weight On your head
You begin your descent

Like an arrow struck deep into mounds of concrete
You've done nothing but scatter your worth

If not chipped, if not blunted yourself
If not detached your head
Anyone capable
of such thoughtless acts,
Willingly throwing themselves off that bridge,
Would surely be a product of such disconnect

From their brain or their back
But need I be reminded that the issue lingers deeper than the skin on you neck
Was it your neck that stays tender?
I feel I used to know these things once
But God knows
I'm far out of touch
With your love

I swear I never mean to bring it up
believe me
I'm trying my best
And I'm sorry if
I keep repeating myself,
I keep repeating to myself
The way I thought it was

Carry on bare
Away from the warmth of the radiant sun
Though I've been burned before
I'm unsure why it is I keep asking for more
So unclear is the path that awaits, yet we wonder what else can we do
Besides slowly assume that feeling's abused and subside to the way we see fits

What we thought were solutions to bones stretching out, became a stage housing curtain over brick
We expect what we give yet we shovel out our fears
I guess the price you pay becomes the reason you're afraid

What a shame
Caught you dancing on my tongue
It's a sweet, sweet taste
But I've had enough

If our last words ride out both of our lungs
I'd like to know who you are
Oh I can't quite depart from the thought
I'd like to know who you are

Cuz I only believe in the scars
That were left from the war we survived
I waged all of my body and mind
But sometimes
I just wish I died

("Essay on Crying in Public"-Sam Sax)

How fast the world spun just after the fact
Left you young and still wondering
Left me so dizzy and sorry

Leeched the life from inside me
And twisted my guts for good measure

Not sure why
after all this time
I let myself bleed out

but it just happens that way
Maybe I'm just too used to the feeing
Maybe it sits as
more of a home than I think